Screw the Rules Final Fantasy 4
by Aorta Heartless
Summary: A collection of Final Fantasy IV oneshots where people disobey the rules of a series or laws of physics. rated T for language.
1. FFIV Rydia Fights Back

Screw the Rules: Final Fantasy 4

Or in which Rydia summons royalty and breaks the fourth wall for lameness incarnate.

"Dark Wave!" Cecil yelled putting as much power as he could while Kain jumped into the air. *9999 damage!*

"Drop Kick of Doom!" Kain yelled as he brought his armored foot down on the girl. *9999 Damage*

"No-one this young should have this much power." Cecil muttered, breathing hard.

"Summon: Asura! Summon: Leviathan! Summon: Magikrap(I mean Magikarp)!" She yelled, a woman with 4 faces and 4 arms appeared at the first summon, a long snake like dragon on the second, and a small orange fish on the third. Cecil and Kain stared at the fish with wonder.

"Did she just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?" Kain asked his friend.

"So?" the Summoner asked hearing the question.

"And you broke the fourth wall for lameness incarnate." Cecil said

"Again, so?" She asked.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?" Cecil and Kain asked together.

"SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE GREEN HAIR!" she yelled. "ATTACK!"

And so Cecil and Kain got the pwning of the century from Asura and Leviathan and got splashed on with icky stuff by Magikarp. The pwning caused the mountains to break up, so Kain and Cecil were separated and the way back to Baron was blocked. For some strange reason however Cecil found the Summoner near him, unconscious. So he took her to the nearest village for healing.


	2. FFIV Rydia at Mt Hobs

Screw the Rules FFIV Rydia Mt. Hobs

"It's attacking!" Cecil exclaimed.

"Let it come." Yang replied.

**Enter Battle**

"Dark Wave!" Cecil said.

"Summon: Voltrob!" Rydia cried. A red and white ball appeared.

"Voltrob" It said shortly before exploding.

**End Battle Music**

"Rydia," Cecil said.

"Yes?" The green haired child said.

"Where did that one come from?" The Dark Knight said drumming his hands on his armor.

"Ummmm…" She stalled.

"Was it the same place that the lame fish came from?"

"Yes, so?" she asked

"I believe why stated multiple times that doing that is against the rules.

"…" She looked at her feet in shame.

"And just because you have green hair doesn't mean you can screw the rules." Cecil said, using the tone of voice that made many grown men hold their heads in shame.

"Cecil." Rosa came to her defense. "She's just a child."

"So?" He asked.

"Give her some leeway." She replied.

"I've lost count how many times she's done this."

"Hn," With that Rosa started to ignore the Dark Knight.

**Ummm… Once again Rydia summons a Pokemon. **_Voltrob doesn't belong to me._** Nor does Rydia.**

_Nintendo owns Voltrob. _**And Square Enix owns Rydia, Cecil, Yang, and Rosa.**

_Rydia will be most common in this series… Collection… Thing._

**Followed by Shineon the Shiny Espeon and Arcana. Shiny Espeon is Nintendo's as well.**

_Arcana is ours though. Same thing for how Cecil is acting._


	3. FFIV Rydia Leviathan Attack

Screw the Rules FFIV Rydia Leviathan Attack

**Or in which Rydia temporarily stops the Leviathan with Lugia. This one would be rated M if not for the stars…**

Rydia screamed as she fell overboard.

"Rydia!" Yang yelled as he jumped over this side of the ship to save the child.

"Rydia! Yang!" Cecil cried as he saw them.

Edward screamed like the sissy he is as he fell into the ocean.

Cecil's inner darkness still controlled him enough not to give a crap about the lame prince.

"Summon: Lugia, Beast of the Sea!" He faintly heard Rydia scream.

A large bird type creature burst out of the water sending waves of water over the ship.

Lugia screeched as it sent a beam of light towards the Leviathan, hitting it and forcing it back beneath the waves.

Rydia was riding on the bird's back with Yang in it's claws. Both were set down gently and it dispersed in a bunch of shimmering flakes. "Pretty" Cecil heard one of the sailors say.

"Rydia," Cecil began.

"Screw the Rules!" Rydia said not allowing Cecil to start his usual tirade.

Only a splash of water stopped Cecil from starting on it. "****" He said.

"My ship…" The Captain said as the Leviathan blocked the sun and dove maw open wide and crashed onto the ship.

Everything went black for Cecil.

**Beach outside of Mysidia**

Cecil groaned as he came to. "Holy mother******." He swore as he tried and failed to stand.

After sitting there for ten minutes Cecil tried again to stand, while a little unsteady he managed with help from his sword.

"Ick. Wet armor is a pain." He said as he looked for his friends. "Rydia? Yang? Edward? Anyone?"

He started walking. After a while Cecil saw a familiar sight. "Crap"

Figures he'd land outside of Mysidia.

**Plot Spoilers!**

_Rydia once again summons a Pokemon. The Beast of the Sea bit is from Pokemon 2000._

**Awesome movie. Anyways Rydia, Yang, Cecil, Edward, the Sailors, the Captain, the Leviathan, and Mysidia all belong to Square Enix, Lugia goes to Nintendo.**

_But how Lugia is sent away is mine. And so does Cecil's reaction to Edward being sent overboard._

**Frankly I was only upset because it meant one less character between me and losing a battle.**


	4. FFIV Edward Troia

Screw the Rules FFIV Edward

In Troia

"How can a prince be so, so, so" Rosa couldn't finish.

"Lame?" The Ninja Prince said.

"Yes, lame." Rosa said.

The women, and Edward, surrounding the Prince stared at the future queen.

"Wh-what?" Edward was stunned, as was Cecil who had never heard Rosa talk to anyone like that.

"While I understand some moping after losing your home and love, you took it to new heights." She said. "You nearly got owned by an old man, just to be saved by a woman! A dying woman! You could barely defend yourself in battle and ran and hid when you got too hurt."

"Rosa." Cecil said trying to calm her down.

"Back off!" Rosa hissed to him. Cecil did as she said, knowing that while as a paladin he could do some healing magic he still needed Rosa for the major stuff.

"And now you just lay there!" Rosa said.

"Rosa he fell off a ship while a giant sea monster was attacking," Rydia tensed as the King of Summons was called a monster, "And then he drifted half way across the globe, up a cold river, and then treated by pretty women. Give him a break." Cecil defended the bard.

"Shut up, Cecil." Rosa leveled him with a harsh glare, which he easily met. Or else."

"Or else what, my lovely lady?" Cecil said, making an slightly obvious effort to move towards the door, he may have defended Edward, but he wasn't willing to get severely injured for him.

"Or else I will treat you as an enemy, my _dear._" She replied coldly.

Cecil's eyes widened as he quickly left the room. "You're on your own, Edward!" He said.

"Lady Rosa's right Prince's shouldn't be that weak." Edge told his peer.

"So?" Edward said looking at Edge.

"It's against the rules."

"We have rules?" Edward said before frowning, "Then screw them, I have money." Edward said turning over and sticking his head under the pillow.

Rydia stared at the prince, then kicked him lightly. "Rosa's right. You should get up and do something!"

Edward's reply was muffled. "Take the harp over there. They won't let me get up for now, but I can help with that."

"Hn" Rosa was still upset.

"Lady Rosa, if the healers here won't let him up then he won't be getting up for a while."

Rosa stalked out following her love. "Cecil! Get back here, you cowardly jerk!"

**Edward gets berated throws a tantrum, Cecil gets in trouble with his girl, and Rydia attempts to keep the peace.**

_Edward really does suck. And he does hide if you let his HP get too low, though he won't take any damage while he's hiding._

**Can be useful if you use berserk on him and then get his HP low he'll attack, then hide. But you can't heal him. **


	5. FFIV Rydia, Rosa, Edward

Screw the Rules Rydia Antlion Den

_Once again Rydia saves the day via screwing the rules._

**Battle Start**

SNAP! The monster tried to crush the lame Prince Edward. Cecil, Rosa, and Rydia came to the rescue, again.

Rosa was the first to attack with her staff.

"Summon: Dark Magician!" Rydia yelled, causing Cecil to facevault.

A dark circle opened in mid-air and a man in purple robes, a funny hat, and wielding a strange staff came through it. The Dark Magician took his staff and gave the monster a beating it will only forget due to the concussion.

**End Battle**

"No, it was not from the same place as the Lame Fish." Rydia said before Cecil could ask. Rosa and Edward looked at each other and shrugged.

"Would it still be against the rules?" He asked.

"…" Rydia's silence said it all. "As I said before, SCREW THEM!"

"Why would you do that?" Edward asked.

"'Cause I have green hair." Rydia replied.

Banging of metal against rock drew everyone's attention towards Cecil.

"Cecil, stop hitting your head on the wall." Rosa said.

"Why? Am I the only one who obeys the rules around here?" Cecil complained.

"Come again?" Edward asked

"Rydia summons things that she shouldn't be able to summon, Rosa disobeyed her father and the king, and you, Edward, are so pathetic the only reason Tellah didn't own you was because of Anna." Cecil explained sitting down.

"So?" Edward was confused.

"Bards are not supposed to be that lame, Princes even more so." Cecil glared from behind his helm.

"Cecil." Rosa said. "Go easy on him."

"In each and every battle, who do you end up healing more?" Cecil was more than a little annoyed. "Who's the one who collapses first? Even new recruits into the most basic guards could beat him."

"Most of the boys back home could beat him up." Rydia agreed.

"Rydia!" Rosa exclaimed.

"He's the kind of person who would've gotten beat up for lunch money." The little girl continued.

Edward was nearly in tears now. "It's not my fault Father wouldn't let me train."

"Bull, you could've a least WATCHED the guards." Cecil said coldly. "Or you could've told him that knowing some self defense would help you in the long run."

"…" Edward was silent.

"We should get going."

_Originally it was going to be in the Antlion's den but I realized that Rosa was still sick during that time… Soooo… I changed it to a monster fight on Mt. Hobs._


End file.
